Wednesday, January 20, 2010 '

hell with my new year resolution i have broken like so many i dont wana name!

All i want now is to hang out with a group of friends and have loads of fun w/o any strings attached
cant help but feel a twinge of regret for not really understanding ppl ( and being there etc etc etc)
i want to have like girlfriends that hang out
BLA> see another new year resolution broken
guess without whining Felicia can never be Felicia

I WANT TO BLOODY HELL GET OUT OF MY HOUSE FOR A CARZY GIRLS NIGHT OUT!

ღ 9:43 PM

sometimes i wish i was another person.
well, you could only wish

ღ 9:40 PM

Life consist of switching on my computer and stare at the screen and then eating my lunch while staring at that screen and then eat my dinner while staring at the screeen and then bathe and then sleep and to wake up to the same routine everyday.

What an entertaining way of leading my life

I have loads to catch with many people!
I HAVE TO STRAT MEETING PEOPLE OUT BEFORE I FEEL TOO ANTISOCIAL

bla

ღ 9:36 PM

Sunday, January 10, 2010 '

BLAHS

im considering rewatcching drama!
currently hooked on the anime of the wallflower(Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge)
and hoping each day that that another new chapter of that manga is published!
I'm also anticipating skip beat!
ITS GETTING SO INTERESTING! YESYESYES! I do want to watch the 2nd season of the anime but i have no idea whats stalling it!
nvm, i have my wallflower anime to keep me alive for these days!

ouran is getting very draggy and bleach is like .... i duno?
What's up with both my sisters catching the latest episodes?
okay i REALLY have to go or else my Internet connection will be cut off!

NIGHTS
SELF REMINDER: keep to new year resolutions esp 14. for tml!

ღ 2:05 AM

Okay
I'm actually updating my blog more recently these days
COS I HAVE NTH TO DO!
books that borrowed from the library( surprisingly only 3) were a bore and i have absolutely scanned through the whole book
so i ended up watching anime instead?!
and i have no idea why but recently I'm back to reading meg cabot ):
its like the good old days when I'm in like secondary school that princess diaries appeared in my life
no wait! strike that! IT WAS IN PRIMARY SCHOOL!
(oh no did i grow that old that fast.. groans)

Drama theses days are like really shallow
or maybe its just those type of drama that i find is pretty shallow!
tried re-watching friends but the stupid computer refuse to load
apparently my computer hates Chinese websites like tudou and i thus have no chance to watch friends ):

i really tried to start on vampires diaries BUT i guess the whole paranormal vampire thing is getting boring for me
after the whole craze about twilight and true blood now no other books/shows can beat those
bla. or maybe I'm just too frustrated with being stuck at home
HOW CAN ONE NOT BE
i feel like I'm some prisoner limited to a small space with the four walls enclosing me
and all i have is the computer which crashes on me ): it apparently hates me for using it for too long without giving it a rest
BUT HEY, its not as though i don't wanna get out
I'm now travelling as an adult which means adult fare for where ever i go
which means HORRIBLY PREDATORY PRICING and i absolutely cant bear to tap my card each time and the exponential decrease in its monetary value
and wth i used to be able to top up with 5 dollars since I'm an 'adult'
i would have to top up a min of 10 dollars
damn, to someone like me who don't take much cash on hand is gna dieeee if my card is low in value

okay enough ranting about hoe adult fare deters me from gg out of the house
another way to feel like I'm living would be to go EXERCISE
yes, how many countless times I've persuaded myself that i should wait up early in the morning at 8 to go for a jog at bishan park to FEEL ALIVE
and then only to wake up and find that its already 12-1 plus??
or maybe like GO SWIMMING IN PUBLIC POOLS where i feel very suspicious about the cleanliness of the pool water
omg, i absolutely do not want to swim in public pools
so the only form of exercise for now is to jog
(i must drag Amelia to jog with me, she needs to get a C for 2.4 i don't care! i mean its not like she's lacking in stamina or what so ever i think she's plain lazy!)

okay i need to sleep real soon cos i need to g up at lke 8 tml! damnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
I LOVE CHURCH but i end up falling asleep due to lack of adeque rest!><
i dunno why but these days every time i receive an email to go to care groups or text about arrow services i have there's urge to go and seat in to listen
(GOD CALLING OUT TO ME?)
lol, and ladies night at church, interesting but it would be totally weird w/o companion
maybe I'll go for the next caregrp meeting? hahah! WHATEVER!
I'm still praying for a job offer (: lalala,
(dad's pretty sure that Leticia's gna get good results and we'll celebrate at night.
he has a lot of faith i must say! I must adopt that faith and stay that way for the whole week b4 a level results are released!)

ღ 1:33 AM

Wednesday, January 06, 2010 '

im considering to change my blog cause a brand new year signifies a brand new start (:

ღ 1:35 AM

okay the previous post was depressing enough and yes, I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON
and im very much thankful to all the people out there who have actually tolerated my bads.

First and foremost, the most naggy person (and fierce person) is non other than my youngest sister Amelia
She really lead me thinking about ALOT of things i never thought about
its weird how mature her thinking is and her behavious is just so immature.

Leticia, my sister i would also like to thank because of you i realised how bais ia m
(and yes, i will finally admiti taht im slightly bias agst you but i guess the reason is that i hate ppl who are so alike to me)

My parents of course really made me reflect upon my actions (and i get pissed at myself after that)

ah, another inportant person to thank would be a friend called Miki
okay, im really seriously grateful to her
cause she's one who has really tolerated my horrible character and is still willing to be friends with me ):
and i feel guilty already
(im like in the midst of making her a christmas card and i guess just change it to a new year card would do hahaha -.-)
and she really taught me alot to become what i am now hahahah
sounds like a teacher liddat and i always take her for granted pspsps!

My classmates around me like Huiting
AIYO i'm really indebted to her,
i must admit i was a bit bias agst her after knowing her for a while
but but, after realising how horrible i was i did changed
and yes, she did too ( become more easy gg and more sensitive)
but aiya, she's still too quick tempered lalalalala

Another classmate to thank would be Charlene
i kinda forgot for what exactly but she made me reflect about friendships and stuff

Not forgetting people like Qingshan ShanShan that made me realised stuff about friendships

i cant possibly list out all those people whom i must thank for the year 2009
cause it's simply too much to say.
but im ever grate ful for those epople whom i've encountered cause i can learn and grow in my character from there
YAYA for 2009 and 2010 shall be greater

I LOVE MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY YAYAYAYYYYY!
( i must now try to keep in touch with my friends or i'll get really distant ): but i really hate transportation fees these days)

ღ 1:17 AM

just thinking (extremely wordy)

I have this bad premonition of 2010
just when the lock strikes 12 and it was like FINALLY 2010
i had to argue with my mom (can say its like totally my own fault)
geez,
but let's pray and hope for the better! :D

mundane life im leading
and im already sick of complaining
i so wana go to resort world to work
but think of the transport fees and the timing of work really disgusts me
I JUST WANA SEE THE RESORT LA ):
but nvm, i'm just gonna let it go and i shall wait up earlier in the morning to withdraw my contract
i must stop wanteing things when its impossible ( just like those jap lessons.
see where it got me >< and those outing which i actually agreed and pulled out last min ): damnnnn)

spent my whole day ytd and today actually reflecting upon my actions in the year 2009 and just these few days in 2010
and im like filled guilt once again
its not as though that i AM VERY NEGATIVE ABOUT MYSELF
(i do think im an extremely horrible person ): )
I REALLY DO HAVE THIS ABILITY TO PISS PEOPLE OFF (family, friends included)
and i just don't understand why i get so quick tempered, selfish and i duno, dumb?
because seriously how can i not actually understand a person when i have spent time together?
like for instance what is my sister's favourite food? i really dont know
It feels like as though i've always wanted to let the world revolve arnd me
and i do not bother for me to know ppl but i want ppl to actually understand me
geez, isn't this actually a selfish person's way of thinking?
all along i have only thought about myself and how upset or happy i am without paying attention to others need and wants
i think i really have to thank those ppl arnd me in 2009 that really let me open my eyes like slightly larger for the moment to see this rather disgusting side of me
and i really haven gotten to change it yet; really, im a horrible person :/

failure is nv in my dictionary
i have to totally admit this
i cant lose to people i must be as smart as them
and then it just boils now to me feeling just proud selfish and bitter
thats why i have always compete with others and stuff
and the thought of me actually influencing others to become like me has really made me realised how dumb is it
True it's the matter of the survival of the fittest but constantly pitting agst others is gg to be so so tiring
i mean you have to constantly tag a person and stuff
and i now know why i have no goals and aims for my future
( COS I ALWAYS SET OTHERS AS MY GOALS)
never had i ever think of what i really want
like as though i wana prove myself or something
i could say that this is a form of proudness in oneself
but its really getting far too difficult
and seriously being smart in academics is nothing
and after actually surfing the net for so long
it dawned on me how incompetent i am
how useless and how stupid i am
though my academics is not lacking( ok maybe a bit)
but overall i cant be compared to someone of a lower educational level than me
I do things sloppily hoping that things will eventually change
seriously what would? hard work effort does pay off
and this really pampered personality of mine has to change
i blame my parents for being too overprotective that i become so weak
but truthfully the blame lies entirely on myself of continuing to be a weakling and to grow under the sheltered protection from my parents

i guess i better not elaborate further, this is getting more and more depressing.

* New Year Resolutions
1. Stop whining, you deserve it!!
2. Start to put in effort in learning and be INDEPENDENT!
3. STOP being bitter jealous cos different people lead different lives
4. If you're jealous then make the effort to change why whine in the first place ( refer to 1.)
5. Stop going overboard with things (DO THINGS WITHIN LIMIT)
6. Be 15 minutes early for each meeting (change horrible habit of being late)
7. Find a job and earn money
8. Be more optimistic about my A level results and my academic future
9. Despite seeing horrible A level results one must not cry ( refer to 8.)
10. Spend more time to understand people (: yes yes (family included)
11. be less proud and stop trying to smarter than others
12. Spend time learning Microsoft Excel(it helps in the future i guess)
13. Spend quality time with family and friends and yes, in God too
14. Attend church service w/o sleeping (oops!)
15. DO NOT BE AFRAID OF REJECTION, FAILURE cause its part and parcel of life (:

TADA my 15 new year resolutions!
and yes im off to sleep so i can wake up earlier to cancel my rw contract ):

ღ 12:42 AM

Tuesday, December 15, 2009 '

TODAY WAS GREAT
I FINALLY BORROWED LIKE 5 BOOKS TO ENTERTAIN MYSELF
life is not so good when you have loads of stuff to buy and appaprently you have no moeny to spare
I HAVE TO FINDA A JOB LIKE REALLY SOON :/

been waking up at 1 plus lately. gotta go catch my sleep now so i can wake up at hopefully 9 tml?
mission possible!
tonight was rather... soul searching with those thoughts and talk
seriously i cant help but feel like im some person with some rotten personality
soul searching time!

i want to have a fantastic week but thats too much to ask for.
grumbles. i hate this boredom
its driving me crazy
i might strart doing maths. THIS IS INSANITY!

ღ 12:12 AM

Sunday, December 13, 2009 '

BORED? too bored to say

finally a torturing week has zoomed past!
and I just realised how close Christmas is!
ITS LIKE ON FRIGGING NEXT FRIDAY
OHMYGAWDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

This spells trouble! why?
I have to buy presents for gift exchange when I have no money at all!
and secondly, this highlights the fact that December has come to an end with me not doing anything to earn my pocket money
This is a total disaster!!! D8
and to top it off,
I have to choose my Christmas present
ISN'T THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A SURPRISE?!
I hate to buy stuff and the wrap it up and to tear it open with an 'OH MAN I LOVE THIS' face
It’s like so superfluous, why not just pass it to me directly -.-
and I can use it immediately at least save me the Christmas surprise!
oh well, I'm just rambling at this whole gift system!

Oh! YESTERDAY WAS THE SEOUL'D OUT CONCERT
HIGHLIGHT: brown eyed girls and Ft Island
im so sorry but I wasn't that into T-MAX and MARIO
and gosh
, I was shocked at the different age groups there!
and I hate queues, I ABSOLUTELY HATE WAITING WHILE STANDING!!
Unfortunate for me, THERE WAS THIS SUPER DUPER LONG QUEUE.
me and Cheryl : SHOCKED FACES O.O
and while trying to walk to the end of the queue Cheryl suggested running
and I was like' o.o ARE YOU SERIOUS?!'
and she did, and those Korean kids in front of us also started running
THEY ARE EXTREMELY ANNOYING FAKE ACCENT KOREAN KIDS
They are NOT AT ALL ADORABLE AND THEY ARE EXTREMELY FULL OF THEMSELVES
and they were like competing with us by running
Seriously, Cheryl was busy trying to get ahead of them,
This just shows how childish my cousin is! HAHAHAHAHAH
and come on they are happy that they won us? dumb kids if i really had to run i'll sure outrun you kids esp. with my legs being longer than you!
(im childish I know!)

The whole long queue wait was almost close to 2 hours!
im so proud of myself for not being so irritated...(i was okay fine i was! ><)
Though me and Cheryl suffer from extreme thirst
and i was at first apprehensive about wearing leggings, thankfully i did
I hate to wear shorts and be bitten by mosquitoes!!
THE FOOD THERE WAS FRIGGING EXPENSIVE like cheating my money.
mineral water was 2 dollars.
TWO DOLLARS IS OBVIOUSLY OVERPRICED FOR JUST A BOTTLE OF WATER
crap pricing luckily i survived the whole night w/o eating
poor stomach it must have suffered! ):

The concert was sort of worth it
I had to convince myself...... -.-
It was definitely high AND I WAS HIGH TOO
i was screaming my head off when i saw hongki
and the when BEG APPEARED I WAS ALREADY CRAZY
THEY ARE SO SO SO HOT SEXY :D:D:D
and i realised im also in love with the new member of ft island
He’s frigging cute. lalalalalaaaa~

The BBOY CREW IS LIKE POWERFUL :D
and the DRAWING ROOM. OMGOMGOMG.
They’re like so so good at drawing!
they just rake a piece of charcoal or whatever that is
AND START DRAWING
and it seems like they just take a few strokes here and there and TADA you've got ur picture!
cheryl was inspired to start drawing too
HAHHAHAHAHAH :D that was worth the watch definitely!
and one thing Korean stars duno how to speak English that well,
Mario was the best so far
AND HE AND SOMEONE KEEP SINGING ENGLSIH SONGS
so high! i feel like im in a club but aiya, im actually on a field. lol.
i think the Lee Ji-su was cute cos his English was broken and when he keeps smiling whenever he tries to speak but he cant.
LOLOL. I like that they attempt to speak english but I’m fine if they speak korean and it gets translated :D

Today, I liked the pastor but i was too tired that i actually fell asleep
OHMYYYY i am so so sorry about it
hopefully next session in indoor I’ll be wide awake. HAHAHA :D
and FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THIS WEEK I WOKE UP AT 10 AM
OH MGOD, it’s so so memorable!
i have always been sleeping at 5am and waking up at 2pm these days >< yikes
Alright time to go
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE! :D

thou shall get a new phone before my phone breaks down any further!

ღ 8:15 PM

Thursday, December 10, 2009 '

B.O.R.E.D

DARN
I WANT A OFFICE
I WANT TO HAVE A OFFICE JOB
I LIKE TO WORK IN A OFFICE

WHY AM I STUCK WITH RETAIL AT THE RESORT WORLD
OH MY GOD

I SERIOUSLY WANT A OFFICE JOB
OFFICE JOB
OFFICE JOB
OFFICE JOB

Seriously
i only realised the folly of my actions when i realised a had SO MUCH TIME TI SPARE
Actually I had this weird premonition i would regret going for the job interview
i had so many weird happenings ongoing that day
or you may describe it as suay-nessthose bad feelings are enough to make to NOT go for the job interview
so now I’m stuck there
What’s worse is I have this feeling I’ll be out there before i know it
OH COME ON they need the cream of the crop
and im so not. -.-
i URGENTLY need to start work like next week before my brain degenerates away
leaving a empty shell and before i know it
i'll start asking people what's my name
HAHAHAHAHAHHA ok that’s exaggerating
BUT I SRSLY HATE RETAIL
omg, i think im like some dumb person doing silly things
i want a office job that’s close to town and that works 9 to maybe 5 or 6 WTH
i JUST WANT A FREAKING OFFICE JOB

Okay thou shall just believe
whatever’s meant to be is meant to be
hopefully maybe I’ll get a office job and the sentosa people decided to kick me out of their staff
whatever, im just praying everything will turn out fine! :D

So now, im bored and have given up trying to find another job cos all the events jobs are like almost impossible to find
and i need to convince myself im totally in love with retails hahahaha
so i shall start enriching myself
BUT WHERE DO I START
i really duno what courses are there that helps ur employability
hopefuly another language?
and maybe i'll try some admin courses ( my office job ): )
WHATEVER!
I shall STOP staying at home and sleep and eat liek some pig
I NEEDA MOOVE AROUND :D
YAYAYAYAYYAAAYYYYYYYYY

tomorrow will be a better day!

5 Do’s:
1. Thou believe I can be a extremely good retail personnel
2. Thou shall stop thinking about how great and magnificent office jobs are
3. Thou shall believe that office jobs are much horrible than retail jobs
4. Thou shall stop whining about a office job
5. Thou shall remind myself I make a great choice in choosing retail

Okay, i realised im so OBSSESSED about having a office job
i need a cure for this!
Dang!!
i really duno how to tell my mom about sat's concert
she'll like totally kill me D:

****edied: SHE WAS ALARMED SHOCKED AT THE CONCERT FEE BUT SHE DINT SAY ANYTHING
There goes another item to the loan sheet!
I AM IN THE RED!****

SELF REMINDER:
you're gna get a new phone and ipod Touch
better save money or start working to get money

I LOVE TODAY ( or so i lead myself to believe)
BYEEE :D

ღ 4:08 PM

Monday, December 07, 2009 '

CLUBBING

OHMYGOODNESS!
its been like SO MANY MONTHS SINCE I LAST POSTED
alright
all ready for some updates!
a levels was so not a breeze even after preparation for close to 2 years
seems like the 2 yrs in jc is awsted -.-

BUT POST PROM WAS FABULOUS
still rmb that the 9 days between the 2nd last paper to bio p1 was spend on SHOPPPINGG!!
needless to say i spend heaps of money
>< yikesss

i have always anticipated those fun gatherings whereby everyone gets loads of fun trying to put on make up and go to prom together
:D it was great
though i was frantcally panicking at shan shan's house
it was commendable that i placed my contacts at a incredibly fast speed

everyone turned out SO WOW-ed
seriously i felt a bit underdressed
but i dont care :D i feel secure with my jacket :D

class dinner was at some cafe at clarke quay
i loved the golden ale beer but hated the strong liquor taste of the indian ale
it was alright but i have always loved sweet stuff :D
dinner was a few pizzas which was fabulous :D
PIZZA'S MY LOVE YOU KNOW
and i realised AURINA LOVES PIZZA LIKE I DO TOO!

after dinner we headed to the bridge for some photoshoots
seriously girls ARE ALWAYS INTO TAKING PHOTOS :D
(im starting to get pretty lazy to carry on typing)

my feet were already tired and i had several bilsters
man i hate walking in hgh heels thankfully i brought scandals to change or you'll see me bare footed walking around hahahah

oh yea, next stop was some bar beside rebel
went there with teh sole aim to get high
lol
supposed to take some salt drink tequila and suck lemon
but shireena said that salt with alcohol makes ppl high easily so i skipped taking salt
i DO NOT WANT TO GET HIGH SO EASILY
who knows what i'll do!! ):
anyway the tequila was great and i love the mix with coke and sprite and b4 i know it i was a bit high
HAHAHHAHAAHAH

CLUBBING IS BORING UNLESS YOUR FRIENDS ARE HIGH
thats what i deduced so far!
the beat is nice and everything except those disgusting guys who like to stick to ppl
yes, i was one poor victim who had this rather irritaing disgusting desperate guy who keeps sticking to me and whenever i move THAT IDOIT FOLLOWED
it totally ruin my mood!! i was having so much fun til that instant the guy stick to me
DAMN PISSED OFF and kind aurina keep pulling me in! :D
oh that happened like at around 4 am
LOL

before that was quite fun! drinking and dancing!
rebel full of youth while zirca is full of 'ang mohs'
seriously the only difference in the music in zirca is the accompanying music
the beat is forever the same
i duno how those ppl get high
LOADS OF NANYANG PEOPLE WENT THERE seems like nanyang clubbing la
anyway there are loads of different ppl there so weird
i think if i ever go back clubbbing it's essential for guy company -.-
im lazy bye

ღ 1:20 PM